Learning from the mistakes of others

Cat Lady by Lisa Monica Nelson

No affiliation with Atavisionary.com. See more artwork at this website.

I found this daily mail article written by a career woman expressing her regret at abandoning her young love and thus leaving herself alone and childless at 42. As a young woman she apparently was in what most would consider a pretty good relationship, but abandoned it.

It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself  single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success – a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London’s trendy Notting Hill. But I don’t have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.

‘My father warned me not to throw this love away. But I was sure I’d find Mr Perfect around the corner’

You see, I never did find another man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover.

Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my own. I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing the names we would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness.

Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can’t have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets of information about his life and how content he is. Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married.

What is particularly sad about this case of “It just didn’t happen” is that it almost did except that she completely sabotaged herself. From her description, she had everything she wanted. What made her throw this away?

The following year, we bought a tiny starter home in Grays, Essex, which we moved into with furniture we had begged, borrowed and stolen. We giggled with delight at the thought of this grown-up new life.

I was in my first junior role at a women’s magazine and Matthew worked fitting tyres and exhausts, so our combined salaries of around £15,000 a year meant we struggled to make the mortgage payments. But we didn’t care, telling ourselves that it wouldn’t be long before we were earning more and able to afford weekly treats and a bigger home where we could bring up the babies we had planned.

But then, the housing market crashed and we were plunged into negative equity.

Struggling should have brought us closer together, and at first it did. But as time went on, and my magazine career – and salary – advanced, I started to resent Matthew as he drifted from one dead-end job to another. I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn’t have a career.

Ahh, so she got enamored with the artificial status conferred by her patently useless make-work role at a women’s magazine. Why do I say artificial? Here is a typical cover of a women’s magazine based on image search results:



Women’s magazines appear to focus almost exclusively on high time preference beliefs and actions. Fake diets that work in 8 hours (?!). Clothes and fashion that instantly boost status. Get rich quick schemes. Short and low intensity exercise with supernatural results. It seems to be her belief that the generation of this sort of inanity is high status. In reality this is a morally dubious practice of tricking the gullible out of money with promises of easy fixes that are clearly false. Her life’s work has been to generate false hope and she left the love of her life, abandoning the opportunity to start a family, to pursue this. Just stop and think about this for second…. Can you imagine a sadder existence?

Even worse is that she compares this to her ex-boyfriend’s jobs which, whatever the pay level, are indispensably necessary for the continuance of a functional civilization. She views herself as the higher status one. Her confusion about the relative merits of various activities was, and is, quite extreme and undoubtedly shared by many women. Her article gives no indication that she ever realized how truly pointless, and probably harmful, her career has been for other women.

Even though she was wrong about her status, perception was enough and her hypergamic instincts kicked in. As such she pressured her boyfriend to get a “real job.” He obliged:

I encouraged him to find a career and was thrilled when he was accepted to join the police in 1995. It should have heralded a new chapter in our lives, but it only hastened the end. We went from spending every evening and weekend together, to hardly seeing one another. Matthew was doing round-the-clock shifts, while I worked long hours on the launch of a new magazine.

It turns out that engaging in real and useful work requires sacrifice. Even though her original demands were met, she was not content because unfortunately it caused a shift and another part of the relationship had to be neglected in order to satisfy her demands. She could not accept that any part of the relationship be less than perfect even though this was merely an unwanted infringement of reality on her life when meeting her own apparent desires. And so she broke up with him. What did she do?

I moved into a rented flat a few miles away in Hornchurch, Essex, and embraced single life with a vengeance. By now I was an editor on a national magazine. Life was one long round of premieres and dinner or drinks parties.

She implies without mentioning that she probably became a huge slut, and probably bedded many men perceived as high status at these various parties. Her actions and perceptions betray a great deal of pride and vanity. Her life was only about her and maximizing her perceived status to other people. Throw in a great abundance of high time preference pleasure seeking and there probably isn’t much else to know about her.

The years rolled along and she kept Matthew as a beta orbiter as much as possible. Stringing him along always with some faint hope that his broken dream of marriage to her might someday become a reality. Of course, even Matthew would eventually figure out that wasn’t going to happen and thoroughly move on. He found himself another girl and ran with it.

I hated the fact Matthew was suddenly putting another woman before me. How dare she come between us! Over the next few weeks, I’m ashamed to say I vented my spleen at both of them in a series of heated phone calls.

I was completely irrational. I didn’t want Matthew back, but felt upstaged by Sara.

Unsurprisingly, after one particularly nasty argument, Matthew put the phone down and refused to take any more of my calls. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I would never speak to him again.

At least she eventually realized that she was completely in the wrong (well, sort of). Too little, too late. It is hard to understand how women can feel justified in expecting men to just sit around waiting for them for years without any giving on the part of the woman. Selfishness on this level is not attractive and not desirable.

So once again I am on my own, my mind full of ‘if-onlys’. If only I’d stayed with Matthew, we’d almost certainly be married with children.

Or, maybe Matthew wasn’t the right man. I will never know  the answer, but my decision to leave him has definitely cost me the chance of ever becoming a mother.

Now I can only look back and admonish my selfish, younger self.

Another woman’s life ruined by her own selfishness, vanity, lack of perspective, and heavy doses (undoubtedly) of feminist propaganda about what roles are most conducive to happiness in women. I walk away from reading this with the distinct perception that this woman has only partially grasped why a multitude of her life choices led her to the unhappy state she is currently in. She certainly understands that she made a mistake. She does not understand, or refuses to admit, how harmful her decisions were to others. Matthew most of all, but also his other girlfriends. At best she realizes she was “irrational,” but never admits that anything she did was actively wrong. She certainly doesn’t understand how her career itself was utterly pointless and probably harms other women with a variety of unrealistic ideas and claims. I suppose I can understand how difficult accepting that would be in the face of the portions of her mistakes she has already accepted. She is not one to be envied.

However, I actually have some respect for this woman because even in partial admittance of her mistakes and how she came to them she at least opens up the door for younger women to learn from those mistakes. Without the personal investment in this life, hopefully they will be better able to see the fuller scope of the problems and thus more readily avoid them. This article and those like them have the potential for helping many people. That at least can be appreciated. Whether anyone actually takes it to heart is another matter entirely, however. Potential is much less than action.

[note: originally I was going to go a slightly different direction with this post, so the URL is different from the title. Just ignore that]

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Career women are dysgenic

All Parts
<– Part 3                                                              Part 5–>

Diverting the most capable women away from reproduction is dysgenic

A large variety of research and common experience has made clear that cognitive and physical sexual dimorphism already exists, hence the tendency of men to outperform in areas necessary for productive labor including physical strength, mathematics, and mechanical or scientific reasoning. It is also apparent in the difference between men and women in cranial capacity. Males average between 100 and 200 cubic centimeter larger capacity depending on the methods used in a given study. This study found an average of 123 cubic centimeter difference favoring males on average, but also found a lot of variation for both genders. Larger cranial capacity correlates well with higher intelligence and as a group men tend to have larger brains.

Income, which is a decent proxy for intelligence, correlates heavily with childlessness. Importantly, the correlation goes in the opposite direction for men than it does for women. High income men are much less likely to be childless, whereas high earning women are with even greater probability much more likely to be childless. In biology, this contradictory relation between intelligence and fertility would be described as a sexually antagonistic trait because it increases reproductive fitness of one sex (males) and decreases it in the other (females). As such, these genes are under conflicting selection pressures as they pass between genders over the course of multiple generations. This creates a large incentive to evolve sexually dimorphic expression patterns which can silence or diminish expression of intelligence genes in females while allowing the same genes to be turned on in males. Intelligence being a sexually dimorphic trait is parsimoniously explained by its divergent consequences to fertility depending on gender.

The lesson here is clear. The huge direct costs, opportunity costs, and the inefficiencies created from reserving jobs for women that they aren’t biologically suited for aren’t just unaffordable. Diverting women away from motherhood disproportionately and negatively impacts the fertility of the the most intelligent women; the most intelligent women being the ones most likely to be capable of successful careers and high incomes. Any policy or culture that prioritizes pushing women into the workforce does so at the expense of motherhood among the natural aristocracy and is by its nature dysgenic. The result in the short term is decreasing the average intelligence of the population and greatly exaggerated sexual dimorphism favoring male intelligence in the long run. Traditional environments (patriarchy) minimized the shredding of intelligence traits that passed through women to some degree by prioritizing reproduction even for capable women. If the current environment doesn’t send humanity back to the stone age first, then it will likely create a version of humanity of very smart men and dumb women as mechanisms evolve to safeguard intelligence genes while they temporarily pass through females. Lameness of mind will be protective against a loss in fertility for women and income potential that can only result from intelligence being indispensable for male fertility will also be preserved. The selection pressures set up by feminists will ironically create a population of feeble minded women. This is of course assuming that civilization is somehow able to maintain itself long enough and the current pattern of abysmal fertility in intelligent women holds. However, it is in no way clear that this is the case. So insidious are the effects of deprioritizing motherhood that any culture who implements them is patently suicidal.

The drop of fertility rates across the west and the concomitant decline in western civilization that will result can be blamed to a significant extent on the misallocation of life priorities among western women by their own poor choices and at the irresponsible prodding of the progressive culture. The future belongs to those who show up. Humanity as a whole will return to traditional gender roles because the groups where women prioritize motherhood will displace the cultures who don’t through demographic increase and eventual subjugation.

The real question is whether or not the west will have a place in that future. The west can either accept that harsh biological reality has allotted motherhood as the primary raison d’etre of women, or it can be displaced by less advanced and less benevolent cultures who haven’t forgotten that reality. Considering that it was the people and culture of the west who almost single-handedly brought humanity into the modern age, the loss of the western races and subsequently western culture would be a very sore blow not only to those people, but to humanity generally. The only morality is civilization, and unfortunately the unpleasant truth is that significant female enfranchisement is dysgenic and destroys civilization. Since prioritizing anything but motherhood for women works against civilization, it is by definition immoral and any sane polity will take every necessary step to minimize women, and especially intelligent women, from making anything other than motherhood the primary devotion of their life.

To preserve western culture, motherhood in a patriarchal context must be reinstated. It is often complained that such an arrangement is more unfair to women. In reality, the demands the patriarchal system makes on men are and always have been much more challenging than those it makes on women, as is evidenced by the 5-7 years shorter life expectancy for men. Men will accept this high price since the patriarchal system is the only way that the legitimacy of their children can be guaranteed. Far from being unfair to women, the advantages to women of sacrificing careers and promiscuity are many and include a guarantee of male attention and provisioning into old age.

Moreover, making motherhood the primary devotion of women’s lives does not mean the only devotion. Modern technology created by men greatly decreases the necessary housekeeping efforts required to maintain a home and advances in robotics will likely continue this trend. As such, Women will be afforded much opportunity and freedom to pursue virtually any interest once the necessary child rearing duties are performed. Some care will need to be taken by neopatriarchs to guarantee that there is ample opportunity for women to find meaning and purpose in their lives once their motherly responsibilities are complete. For the most part this is likely a spiritual question, however aesthetics and culture also seem like especially likely candidates for pursuit. What can’t be neglected or forgotten is that the environment that gave birth to modern dysgenic feminism was a large population of idle housewives and their relatively weak husbands. Women have an innate tendency to organize and then collectively nag and otherwise agitate for various ill-conceived reforms when they have nothing better to do. Feminism is only the most destructive consequence of this tendency. The temperance movement is another example. More productive outlets for this energy will have to be found.

And of course, the least appreciated advantage to women as a population is the partial protection of intelligence traits which prevents run-away increases in sexual dimorphism and further depression of female cognitive ability.

<– Part 3                                                             Part 5–>

All Parts


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Who is the true enemy of Neoreaction: The Red Pill or Social Conservatism? Part 2

In part 1, I explored why social conservatism shouldn’t be considered an ally of neoreaction and discussed some preliminary thoughts on how a community that exemplifies traditional values might be crafted in an exceedingly hostile and unalterable culture.  In part 2, I propose how neoreaction should view itself in relation to the red pill community.

The first step is to understand the mindset of the Red Pill man to see what he believes about reality and whether or not that is consistent with or opposed to neoreactionary understanding.  From my experience, typical redpillers are usually in various stages of transition from liberal unreality to reality.  The seed of transition is always motivated by the overriding instinct to reproduce, an instinct that no amount of progressive reform through education will be able to subdue. The first item of progressive faith on the chopping block is egalitarianism because it is the  main point of indoctrination in education that prevents men from acting in ways that make them attractive to women.  The rejection of egalitarianism is also a core principle of the dark enlightenment, so there is no conflict there.

Redpillers generally acknowledge the negative consequences of current sex culture, but they accept that as individual men they have almost no power to do anything about it and simply attempt to maximize their benefit given the social structure created by sex-positive feminism.  I see this as both accurate and realistic, if fatalistic.  In both these points, I can’t tell any appreciable difference between the redpillers and the neoreactionaries.  The idea that a reactionary  movement (social conservatism) will never succeed in reversing leftism is one that neoreactionaries developed and fully accept. There is no expectation that these problems can be fixed in a democratic system that appeals to the masses, and thus lowest common denominator.  So again, neoreaction and the red pill are largely consistent.

In one of the most striking examples of overlap between the red pill and neoreaction, Roosh V penned the article “Cultural collapse theory“. This is pure neoreaction from one of the most prominent personalities in the PUA community and there is every indication that he isn’t happy about the situation. The cads are under no illusion that they are good for society.

Overall, when I look at the top tier people in the red pill community, I see there have been a lot of contributions and insights into human nature and the modern system. Many neoreactionary ideas owe at least some debt to primarily red pill bloggers and commentators such as chateau heartiste, dalrock, and girl writes what, among others. Some of the ideas that are part of neoreaction are completely original creations of the red pill community that were later adopted. In other words, the top tier of TRP provides invaluable contributions to neoreactionary thought.

From the above it can be discerned that the red pill is not a movement, it is an intellectual framework for analyzing and understanding reality. TRP is a tool set for sex relations as much as neoreaction is a tool set for analyzing culture and politics. What is done with that tool set is another matter entirely. If someone uses a hammer to go on a murder spree, that doesn’t make hammers bad. Being an accurate description of reality, the intellectual framework of TRP is, in fact, a subset of the intellectual framework of neoreaction by definition. You might consider neoreaction to be a RP framework expanded to more than sexual strategy or maybe the two parts evolved somewhat independently at first, but upon meeting are found to be compatible since reality can’t be mutually exclusive with itself.

However, there can be no doubt that the PUA movement, which is primarily responsible for developing the red pill framework, uses it to pursue actions with anti-civilizational effects. This can never be compatible with the stated morality of neoreaction.  However, I don’t think it is appropriate to blame these men for their actions.  Most positive masculine role models have been gutted from society and education. If they “man up” they will be subjected to a whole host of misandric laws. The women to who they are told to commit themselves to have not been raised to become suitable wives and once that potential is lost, it can’t be restored.  Those women are simply lost.  No man should ever marry a woman who isn’t suitable wife material and in our culture that means many men really don’t have even a single good option for marriage.

PUAs attempting to maximize their benefit in a social structure (sex-positive feminism) that they are dropped into and have no power over is healthy for these men personally and the product of a completely rational decision made upon careful consideration of the current incentives.  Given the lack of respect men receive in our society, no one should be surprised that they shrug their traditional responsibilities.  Neoreactionaries need to accept that men have to walk their own paths, and learn lessons first hand because we are unable to spare most of these guys from this path of education. The education system is designed to indoctrinate leftism and so most people will be leftist in some sense until they get smacked by the real world. For that reason, TRP phenomenon is to be welcomed gladly as the first step towards neoreactionary thought. Inevitably many of them will end up realizing that cadding isn’t quite what it was cracked up to be. In fact there are examples of older PUAs who have done just that. After the PUAs pass through the long, dark tunnel that is the experience of post-modern culture, it seems that most emerge with a set of beliefs that are consistent with neoreaction and can accept that traditional culture maximizes the benefit for everyone.

We are in the middle of the great relearning and PUAs are no exception. Neoreactionaries should take heart at the fact that the things which are learned hardest are learned best.  There is only one way to convert the masses from their hedonism and that is the complete slash and burn caused by PUAs. Every broken heart, disillusioned soul, impoverished single mother, crime victim and even PUA is a proto-neoreactionary. The more the hedonists damage, the more people will want a different kind of society, and the faster things will either be righted or else everything will be completely destroyed.   Being a neoreactionary means accepting that there will be unavoidable losses and preparing a tolerable route of transition for the former to avoid the later.

The fraction of society that is neoreactionary has far too little power to force any positive change onto the overall system that could provide incentives for men not to attempt a cadding lifestyle. Therefore, rather than wailing about the immorality of sex positive culture and being angry at fundamentally pragmatic men, neoreaction should continue to provide objective and empirical reasons why traditional values and patriarchy are better than other systems. The empirical evidence and first hand experience provided by the hook-up culture will probably be indispensable to these demonstrations. Analyzing this state of affairs will make the most insights on truth available for some hypothetical point in the future where there actually is the possibility for re-structuring society. That is far more persuasive than denouncing a generation or two of men who lost the cultural lottery, or trying to protect women who we don’t have the power to protect.

Some enterprising group might even attempt a virtual exist and through mastery of the red pill framework create a neoreactionary community that is appealing to men as described in part 1.  If so, they will act as beacons of virtue who can also be pointed at to say “Look at how much better this community is! Would you rather be part of the degenerate culture or part of a thriving, civilization building community? Don’t you want security in your life and relationships and for your children?”  Given a viable option, I suspect many or maybe most PUAs would sacrifice participation in the hook-up culture to work towards building civilization and their own families.  What is needed is reasonable certainty that the women they married would make good wives, and absolute certainty that in the rare cases where that failed, the ex-wife would have no ability to deprive him of his wealth and children.

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“It just didn’t happen”

Cat Lady by Lisa Monica Nelson

Cat Lady by Lisa Monica Nelson

No affiliation with Atavisionary.com. See more artwork at this website.


A few months ago, I went out with a group of friends for a few beers. Among them were these two women (let’s call them Jane and Mitzi) who spontaneously broke out into a conversation about a third woman (Let’s call her Amy) who had left earlier.

Jane was telling Mitzi about how she and Amy had been hanging out regularly, mainly to go to the gym. Amy had told Jane a little bit about herself. She had very strongly wanted children for a long time, but did not appreciate that it might not happen. However, now she is 40, single and the chance that she would ever be able to have one is very low and she knows it. She focused on having a good career during her youth, and unfortunately, that meant she had to do a lot of traveling and moving, thus never was able to secure a guy who would commit. Without other opportunities available at 40 she is committed to that trail. Her most recent attempt involved moving to Florida for a guy, but he turned out to be a “douche-bag”. Hmmmm.

Of course, her explanation for never successfully forming a family is “it just didn’t happen”. It wasn’t that she has undesirable personality traits for being a wife and mother and couldn’t get a guy to commit. It wasn’t that she wasted the prime fertile years trying to be the best wage slave possible. No, her ability to form a family was completely and totally dependent on larger society acting on her. In her own mind, she has hypoagency. It isn’t just prig progs who assume hypoagency in women; women themselves rarely take responsibility or control for the outcomes in their lives.

And in the past, this might have been legitimate to feel hypoagency. Before feminism began its destruction of society, there were many, many social safeguards to prevent women from ending up childless. The entire community had certain values, and her parents and other family and church would have tried to steer her the right way; not any more. Unfortunately for her, feminism has destroyed the safeguards that could have prevented her from becoming a spinster.

Interestingly, Mitzi and Jane had this discussion in utmost seriousness. They were legitimately concerned and fearful (understandably) that they could end up childless spinsters as well. They didn’t come out and say they were worried it might happen to them too, but you could tell by their tones and serious demeanor that something was really striking a nerve. I don’t discuss red pill concepts in these situations, but concealing my schadenfreude wasn’t easy.

This isn’t the first time I have heard the line “it just didn’t happen”. This seems to be common amongst ~40 year old spinsters. There is even a woman at work in the same situation who used the exact same line. If women can’t accept responsibility for the consequences of their own choices and those choices frequently lead them to objectively bad ends they find despairing and outsiders find tragic, then it makes sense to relieve them of the power to make these mistakes.

The woman who has not had a child remains incomplete, ill at ease, and more than a little ridiculous. She is in the position of a man who has never stood in battle; she has missed the most colossal experience of her sex. Moreover, a social odium goes with her loss. Other women regard her as a sort of permanent tyro, and treat her with ill-concealed disdain, and deride the very virtue which lies at the bottom of her experiential penury

~H.L. Mencken

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