Learning from the mistakes of others

Cat Lady by Lisa Monica Nelson

No affiliation with Atavisionary.com. See more artwork at this website.

I found this daily mail article written by a career woman expressing her regret at abandoning her young love and thus leaving herself alone and childless at 42. As a young woman she apparently was in what most would consider a pretty good relationship, but abandoned it.

It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself  single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success – a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London’s trendy Notting Hill. But I don’t have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.

‘My father warned me not to throw this love away. But I was sure I’d find Mr Perfect around the corner’

You see, I never did find another man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover.

Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my own. I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing the names we would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness.

Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can’t have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets of information about his life and how content he is. Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married.

What is particularly sad about this case of “It just didn’t happen” is that it almost did except that she completely sabotaged herself. From her description, she had everything she wanted. What made her throw this away?

The following year, we bought a tiny starter home in Grays, Essex, which we moved into with furniture we had begged, borrowed and stolen. We giggled with delight at the thought of this grown-up new life.

I was in my first junior role at a women’s magazine and Matthew worked fitting tyres and exhausts, so our combined salaries of around £15,000 a year meant we struggled to make the mortgage payments. But we didn’t care, telling ourselves that it wouldn’t be long before we were earning more and able to afford weekly treats and a bigger home where we could bring up the babies we had planned.

But then, the housing market crashed and we were plunged into negative equity.

Struggling should have brought us closer together, and at first it did. But as time went on, and my magazine career – and salary – advanced, I started to resent Matthew as he drifted from one dead-end job to another. I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn’t have a career.

Ahh, so she got enamored with the artificial status conferred by her patently useless make-work role at a women’s magazine. Why do I say artificial? Here is a typical cover of a women’s magazine based on image search results:

 

womens-magazine

Women’s magazines appear to focus almost exclusively on high time preference beliefs and actions. Fake diets that work in 8 hours (?!). Clothes and fashion that instantly boost status. Get rich quick schemes. Short and low intensity exercise with supernatural results. It seems to be her belief that the generation of this sort of inanity is high status. In reality this is a morally dubious practice of tricking the gullible out of money with promises of easy fixes that are clearly false. Her life’s work has been to generate false hope and she left the love of her life, abandoning the opportunity to start a family, to pursue this. Just stop and think about this for second…. Can you imagine a sadder existence?

Even worse is that she compares this to her ex-boyfriend’s jobs which, whatever the pay level, are indispensably necessary for the continuance of a functional civilization. She views herself as the higher status one. Her confusion about the relative merits of various activities was, and is, quite extreme and undoubtedly shared by many women. Her article gives no indication that she ever realized how truly pointless, and probably harmful, her career has been for other women.

Even though she was wrong about her status, perception was enough and her hypergamic instincts kicked in. As such she pressured her boyfriend to get a “real job.” He obliged:

I encouraged him to find a career and was thrilled when he was accepted to join the police in 1995. It should have heralded a new chapter in our lives, but it only hastened the end. We went from spending every evening and weekend together, to hardly seeing one another. Matthew was doing round-the-clock shifts, while I worked long hours on the launch of a new magazine.

It turns out that engaging in real and useful work requires sacrifice. Even though her original demands were met, she was not content because unfortunately it caused a shift and another part of the relationship had to be neglected in order to satisfy her demands. She could not accept that any part of the relationship be less than perfect even though this was merely an unwanted infringement of reality on her life when meeting her own apparent desires. And so she broke up with him. What did she do?

I moved into a rented flat a few miles away in Hornchurch, Essex, and embraced single life with a vengeance. By now I was an editor on a national magazine. Life was one long round of premieres and dinner or drinks parties.

She implies without mentioning that she probably became a huge slut, and probably bedded many men perceived as high status at these various parties. Her actions and perceptions betray a great deal of pride and vanity. Her life was only about her and maximizing her perceived status to other people. Throw in a great abundance of high time preference pleasure seeking and there probably isn’t much else to know about her.

The years rolled along and she kept Matthew as a beta orbiter as much as possible. Stringing him along always with some faint hope that his broken dream of marriage to her might someday become a reality. Of course, even Matthew would eventually figure out that wasn’t going to happen and thoroughly move on. He found himself another girl and ran with it.

I hated the fact Matthew was suddenly putting another woman before me. How dare she come between us! Over the next few weeks, I’m ashamed to say I vented my spleen at both of them in a series of heated phone calls.

I was completely irrational. I didn’t want Matthew back, but felt upstaged by Sara.

Unsurprisingly, after one particularly nasty argument, Matthew put the phone down and refused to take any more of my calls. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I would never speak to him again.

At least she eventually realized that she was completely in the wrong (well, sort of). Too little, too late. It is hard to understand how women can feel justified in expecting men to just sit around waiting for them for years without any giving on the part of the woman. Selfishness on this level is not attractive and not desirable.

So once again I am on my own, my mind full of ‘if-onlys’. If only I’d stayed with Matthew, we’d almost certainly be married with children.

Or, maybe Matthew wasn’t the right man. I will never know  the answer, but my decision to leave him has definitely cost me the chance of ever becoming a mother.

Now I can only look back and admonish my selfish, younger self.

Another woman’s life ruined by her own selfishness, vanity, lack of perspective, and heavy doses (undoubtedly) of feminist propaganda about what roles are most conducive to happiness in women. I walk away from reading this with the distinct perception that this woman has only partially grasped why a multitude of her life choices led her to the unhappy state she is currently in. She certainly understands that she made a mistake. She does not understand, or refuses to admit, how harmful her decisions were to others. Matthew most of all, but also his other girlfriends. At best she realizes she was “irrational,” but never admits that anything she did was actively wrong. She certainly doesn’t understand how her career itself was utterly pointless and probably harms other women with a variety of unrealistic ideas and claims. I suppose I can understand how difficult accepting that would be in the face of the portions of her mistakes she has already accepted. She is not one to be envied.

However, I actually have some respect for this woman because even in partial admittance of her mistakes and how she came to them she at least opens up the door for younger women to learn from those mistakes. Without the personal investment in this life, hopefully they will be better able to see the fuller scope of the problems and thus more readily avoid them. This article and those like them have the potential for helping many people. That at least can be appreciated. Whether anyone actually takes it to heart is another matter entirely, however. Potential is much less than action.

[note: originally I was going to go a slightly different direction with this post, so the URL is different from the title. Just ignore that]

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The Daily Moldbug post

I just set up a new system that should result in a post being made to /r/darkenlightenment each day that contains one or more links to Moldbug’s unqualified reservations. I made a second sub, /r/TheDailyMoldbug, which will only have these posts for more easy reference. Posts will start being made starting on August first. Below is the announcement I have made at /r/darkenlightenment outlining my reasons for setting this up:

********************************************************

Tl;dr There will be a post linking to Unqualified Reservations each day starting on August 1st. The main goals of The Daily Moldbug post:

* familiarize new people with Moldbug’s work
* provide an easy, structured schedule for both newbs and veterans to go through moldbug’s entire work, which is the length of multiple books.
* remind everyone that even though groups, such as hestia, may claim official leadership of neoreaction, it is ultimately a result of moldbug’s work and not hestia’s. Neoreaction/Dark enlightenment is a philosophy, not a movement. Unilaterally declaring leadership or official status has dubious support.
* now that concerns of users have been addressed, I am going to be stricter in moderating concern trolling when I see it and will start banning people.

Hello /r/darkenlightenment,

I can’t remember exactly when, but about six months ago there was a self post which was all concern trolling, but I decided on leniency in that particular case and didn’t remove it. Its main point was that there had been a change in topic focus in submissions to the sub. IIRC the complaint was that there were too many HBD posts compared to other posts. Personally I thought the he was exaggerating the issue, and anyway HBD posts are always welcome because that issue is and always has been part of the dark enlightenment. I am not going to remove relevant posts to come to some subjective “proper” balance of topics.

However, that doesn’t mean that steps can’t be taken to add more variety and/or remind new people of the basics. Immediately after reviewing the above-mentioned post I started working on a project which I thought could improve the sub and address these concerns. That project is The Daily Moldbug post. The idea is that on a daily basis automoderator will make a self-post submission that will include at least one link to Unqualified Reservations. UR is the blog of Curtis Yarvin who wrote under the name of Mencius Moldbug.  He coined the term neoreaction, and was the initial inspiration for many or most of the blog writers currently in the endorsed categories on this sub. This includes yours truly, and that counts for both my blog and for starting up this sub. It was my initial reading of “A gentle introduction to unqualified reservations” that motivated me to take over here and start building this place. In other words, neoreaction/ the dark enlightenment is strongly tied into this original material and new-comers should be and remain familiar with it. I also thought it would be helpful for people who want to go through these posts, but are daunted by the sheer volume. A daily post sets up a clear and structured schedule at a manageable pace.

To get this project working, I had to compile a list of all the UR link addresses and decide which ones to post and in what order. What I ended up deciding was that every single UR post will be linked to, in chronological order, but not every post will get its own separate submission. I didn’t want to omit a post based solely on my subjective opinion and I also created a reasonable work around for really short posts. Short posts, meta announcements, and poems will get included with the immediately preceding long-form post. For example, on some days it will just be one long-form UR link, on others it will be one long-form UR link followed by one or more links to short posts (usually poems) that came immediately after it chronologically. There was no hard rule on what counts as a short post, I just used my best judgment based on the length and content. With the above in mind, I ended up with 240 individual daily moldbug posts. They will start getting posted daily starting on August 1st 2016 and the last post will be on March 28th 2017. The cycle will automatically repeat with the first post being repeated again on March 29th 2017 and on until the end of the world. Of course, this is assuming I coded everything right. I have checked and rechecked but it is possible there are mistakes in there somewhere that I will need to fix. If so there may be some slight alterations of the schedule, but even so I am committed to getting this up and running. If you ever notice an issue with one or more of these posts, please message the mods. If you are following along and reading the daily post each day, and fall behind for whatever reason, you can go to the new sister sub /r/thedailymoldbug to catch up. This tracks the submissions in the main sub and won’t have anything else, so you can quickly go back to where you left off.

Even though I started working on this quite some time ago, I only worked on it sporadically and in a very leisurely way at first (there was a lot of tedious stuff to do). I decided to start really getting things moving after my falling out with Hestia society because that incident strongly suggested a need for a purist revival. Like I mentioned earlier, neoreaction and the dark enlightenment exists to a large extent only because of moldbug’s persuasive and creative writing on history and politics. Hestia wouldn’t deny that, I don’t think, but they also don’t mention it a whole lot either. The original content from UR makes it clear that neoreaction/the dark enlightenment was always meant to be a philosophy and not a movement. Basically it is an intellectual and/or philosophical branch of thinking that movements, such as the alt-right, can use in whatever battles with leftists they find themselves in. Movements understandably have leaders and structure. Philosophies can have leaders as well, but it is harder to define and much harder to defend the title. At this point, the only one who really has any standing to claim leadership or official status is Moldbug himself. Myself and many others don’t believe any other entity, regardless of claims to the contrary, has any standing to claim leadership or official status of neoreaction or the dark enlightenment. Even if someone did have such standing, it is arguably heresy to purist neoreactionary philosophy. Anyone can go through the original moldbug posts and start writing on the same topics without much or any reference to writers that came afterward. With the daily moldbug post, it will hopefully be easier to encourage more smart people to do exactly that.

Lastly, we circle back to the original reason I started this project: Concern trolling. I have spent a great amount of effort getting this daily post going in order to address concerns some of you have. Getting all those links compiled in the right order, categorizing long vs. short, and coding around each submission was an incredibly tedious process. I have done far more to address these concerns than 99% of the other mods on reddit would have bothered with, for free, and despite concern trolling being officially against the rules.  I even had to ask reddit to make an exception on number of allowed scheduled posts, which they kindly provided (I was pleasantly surprised). As such, I consider these concerns thoroughly addressed and will be taking a harder stance against concern trolling in the future. When the sub first started people complained it had too much influence from the red pill, later other people though it was too much about HBD. In the last week I have had a number of comments claiming it is too alt-right, or too white nationalist, or not true enough to the original work. Whaa, whaa, whaa. Somebody is always going to be unhappy no matter what is done. Typically such concerned comments come with a very distinct lack of details, examples, or suggestions for how to improve.

It may, MAY, be true that there have been more posts focused on race recently. But then we have had how many attacks by brown people on whites in the last month? How many riots by brown people against whites have we had in the last two years? If more posts are on race relations, it is because the regular writers are addressing it more because of current events. This is not an issue with the sub so much as an issue with the reality of the world in 2016. EDIT: Speak of the devil. Yet another terrorist attack happens while I am writing up this announcement.

With the advent of the daily moldbug post, concern trolling comments of this sort are going to now be removed without mercy. First strike will result in a warning and a temporary ban of up to a week, depending on how severe it is. Second strike will result in a permanent ban. I reserve the right to perma-ban on a first strike if a post is particularly egregious. From this point on, you only have two points of recourse for your concerns about the sub.

1) You can privately message the mods with your concerns and suggestions for improvement. That last part is important, directionless whining is useless.

2) If you feel there should be more of a certain kind of content, then it is your job to find and post that kind of content. Don’t whine or complain, submit the content you think the sub needs more of and keep concern trolling out of my comment sections. I have made a list of competent writers which you can use to help in this task.

Those of you who have been concern trolling recently, you know who you are. There will be no retroactive response to comments already made, but from now on you need to follow the above in addressing your concerns.

As always, thank you for being here and please enjoy this new feature of the sub.

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